From here on out this blog will mostly talk about American men and their social, emotional, and relational habits resulting from their total emotional abandonment by almost every single person in their lives. I am DONE with people not talking about this. This is probably one of the biggest reasons we have destroyed the planet so needlessly - men are willfully isolated emotionally and then they cannot be fully human.
I do not care if everyone thinks I'm completely cracked. It hurts - physically - to continue to leave this topic unexamined. I don't want to talk to women about men - I want to talk to men about men. As a lesbian (homoflexible but culturally a lesbian), as a person who has always considered herself to be somewhat in the middle in terms of social gender categories, I say to you: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
I want to help. This is not a debate. This is a lifeline. I will not discuss. I will not do a comment thread. I will not listen to your point of view. I will use hyperbole. I will make generalizations. If you're a man who has figured these things out then EXCELLENT for you but do not ever say to me: not all men. Because ALL MEN. Of course there are exceptions - this blog isn't for them and they know it because they see the same bullshit I see. People raised as men - this isn't about negating anyone's true identity - this is about looking at the intentional disguises we force boys and men to wear in this culture and how the emperor has no clothes. This is a very deep honoring of men and a demand that they be more active, honest, and open in their struggles and their relational lives. This terror of silence MUST END. In an effort to get this karmic duty of mine out of my personal life, I am taking it public.
I'm So Done Breaking Up With You in Silence and Misery
It doesn't have to be this way. I simply cannot fathom walking away from or ignoring a lover. Do not walk away from someone who needs to talk with you. If you like someone enough to be dating them, then it would be a fantastic idea to act that way as long as you know them unless they do the sorts of things that leave a person feeling dehumanized and degraded. Otherwise, um yeah - you're in this together.
Stop acting insane once you touch someone's body. RESPECT YOUR GOOD FORTUNE. If you are lucky enough to have someone to screw, respect your luck and remember what irresistible pleasure that person is able to create with you, by the grace of your nervous system and theirs. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TREAT SOMEONE WHO CAN GET THAT REACTION GOING WITH YOU LIKE THEY'RE NOT A SMALL MIRACLE??? I do not know. I don't want to know. I've had sex with a lot of women and honestly have never been treated like anything less than part of their inner circle afterwards. It's enough to make you think women aren't the problem. Because they're not. I have not slept with many men - it's too awful (not the sex, the people) to want to do often. When I have, I am continually shocked and depressed by the sheer inhumanity displayed towards me. And this is from men I clearly once considered to be good people, since we've dated. But no. I am a lesbian, motherfuckers - I do not believe your bullshit about women being crazy. I've broken up with lots of women - IT'S FINE. To this day I have never broken up with a woman to see her transform into a devil. Not once. I've seen anger, lies, hysterics, etc, etc - never saw one of them turn into something not human - quite the opposite. I would say almost every man I've dated has turned into something not human during the break up. An entirely different person. Straight men make women the enemy during break ups. Let it be known that that is insane. You know who your enemy is, dudes? YOU. Men are allowed to turn into absolute monsters and no one calls them out - I'm calling it out. Relationships take guts. If you don't have any, start working on it. If you have the will to address the blank space where your interpersonal bonding ability should be, you can fix it. And you should. You will be happier. And so will the people in your life.
If you like someone enough to have sex with them, I would try to remember that after having sex with them. Sex is for grown ups. If you are so traumatized that the intimacy of sex turns you into Godzilla and you know this from past lovers - you really have no business going there with someone unless you are at the very least working on the issue (openly - not fake working on it in your own mind).
That's it - I did it - I put something constructive out there - this is the beginning of a long discussion of male socialization, why we all want to wring your necks, and how to begin to address it. Sexism is not personally your fault, but it is sure as hell your responsibility to eradicate. Or you can go on being miserable and ruining everything. This is for all of us to fix, but men aren't trying, and it's work, people, it's work.
Next time: HOW TO DO IT RIGHT
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