The gay marriage debate...on the one hand, and on a strictly personal point - I am not interested in getting married, so that's not why I am behind it so intensely. And it's boring - it's such a no brainer of a debate, which is why when it goes to court the results are always the same. But it does need to pass, on the other hand.
This morning a client asked me, "Would you have gotten married if you could have? I mean, have you wanted to get married and not been able to?" Out comes "Yes!" faster than I could even think it.
I wanted to get married ( and should have been able to) and the fact that I could not definitely changed my life. Everything that happened around that was a source of incredible growth and change for several years.
I needed to get married for visa reasons and couldn't. I can't tell this story so I won't - suffice to say the stress and sense of terrible defeat that came with being gay and from different countries, neither of which yet allowed gay marriage was crushing. It was unreal - and we suffered everything from Immigration agents mocking us to deciding how many laws I was willing to break in order not to have my heart break fatally through forced separation. Some people one cannot live without. Hopefully we all have someone like that in our lives. The fact that people are okay destroying others' lives and hearts and futures by refusing to recognize everyone's right to marry and keep the people without whom they cannot live close, is unacceptable, as it always has been.
The thing is, if you asked me on a given day if I believe in marriage (marriage in general) or not I would more likely say no, than yes. I have become so used to the fact that I can't do this very simple thing, that I have convinced myself I would not choose it. I cannot conceive of being able to get married to a woman. Now I have no idea - I would like the chance to find out.
